As you heal, not many will understand you, but heal anyway!

Many transformative and God-breathe moments happened on my healing journey. A few months ago, after I completed eighteen weeks of emotional health coaching, one powerful moment happened. A family member reached out to validate my pain and share compassion for a story I shared on Instagram.

A family member validating my story?! What in the world? This has never happened before.

This is what they said “𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘩𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴.  𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘴𝘢𝘺 ‘𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦.’ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺, 𝘪’𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵, 𝘪’𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵.”

Just wow! Their words pierced my heart and made we weepy because that was a big moment of validation. I never dreamed about being validated by family, I thought I was no where near seeing this fulfiled because unfortunately most of us are subconsciously stuck in pain and it’s running amuck in our lives. I also didn’t even have capacity to wish for that while being laser focused on healing the mountain of pain in my own life. This particular family member recently embarked on the journey of doing the work in their own life and that moment was a big win for the two of us, especially for me.

I re-shared the same story on my FaceBook profile last week. The thought of sharing my journey on that platform often terrifies me because my FB audience are friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances who witnessed elements of my earliest life - the fall, the transformation and the evolution, to an extent. Usually when I share on FB, I share honestly and boldly, without trepidation, but I do feel more exposed, more vulnerable and sometimes the vulnerability hangover lingers for days on end. 

In the last week I received a message from another relative who is not on my FB friend list, but somehow my recent share made its way to her and she sent me a nastygram that ended with “𝘨𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩.” Toxic me really wanted to fire back, but I gave myself five stars for crossing that threshold gracefully by blessing and blocking her. All I can think about is this woman is stuck in a generational pain and trauma cycle of deep seated denial and toxicity and I pray it’s not for a lifetime. I was not going to say anything, but the conviction was so strong the words,  “I have to write about this” flew out of my mouth while I simultaneously hit the spacebar on my laptop.

When Jesus healed the blind man he instructed him not to go back to the village, having crossed the threshold into vision, his life was no longer to be lived in the constricted mode of blindness. New vision meant new frontiers, new frontiers meant new discoveries, new discoveries meant new opportunity to live a full life.

John O’donohue in his writings noted that the word “threshold” was related to the word “thresh,” which was the separation of the grain from the straw. It also includes the notions of entrance, crossing, border and beginning. To cross a threshold is to leave behind the husk and arrive at the grain. The healing feels much like separating the husk from the grain, unpacking faulty beliefs and choosing the right voices to validate my stories and experiences.

If you’re actively healing or thinking about going on the journey, know that as you heal, some will validate you and some will mock you, strangers and witnesses of your pain will validate you before family, be open to receive, be kind to yourself on the journey, take what you need, and once you crossed that threshold don’t forget to celebrate your wins!